An excerpt from 'When I'm 64'

Deep down he knew she wouldn’t accept it. Us, I mean. She was… trained, I guess, to misunderstand. Or hate. Whatever. (Beat.) Mary made it clear to her that it was wrong from the beginning. (Beat.) I dare say I would’ve done the same if it was my daughter. It’s only human. (Beat.) Y’know, he had the room ready for the day of the fair, in case she got tired, needed a nap, wanted to spend the night. He wanted it to be a surprise. But when she saw us holding hands, everything changed. She was angry and pitched a fit. He was so hurt you could see it in his eyes. It took so much for him to be able to take her out, to open himself up to the idea of raising her, see? He was preparing himself. He wanted to ask Mary if he could take her on the weekends. To develop… something, a connection. And in doing it, he was asking Susie to forgive his happiness. (Beat.) John said that once. “I want her to forgive my happiness.” I never really understood what he meant. Isn’t that funny? (Beat. He shakes off the thought of it.) But he was terrified, I think. Truly. You don’t have any children yet, honey. You don’t understand how scary it is. The responsibility. And you won’t understand it until it’s there, so small. It’s a fleeting moment, really. But… (Beat. A change.) When your mom died and it was just you and me, I thought I’d died, I was so scared. What was I going to do with a 12 year old? A 12 year old girl, no less. But it wasn’t so bad. John missed out on that part, the not-so-bad, with Susie. Not that it was all bad with them. No. She was a good kid. Still is. Just a little… confused. You were brought into this world by an extraordinary young woman who couldn’t see a difference between me and the man next door if she tried. People were people to her. Even I lack that gift, but— (Beat.) …If you squint a little, you might be able to see Susan from the perspective your mother would’ve seen her from. She was so little then, Nancy. Just a little girl. Her feelings could’ve fit in the palm of my hand. Who is that man and why is he coming with me and my Daddy and why is Daddy holding that man’s hand? And why is Daddy gone all the time? (Beat.) I think if my father left me for a warmer bed… (He laughs.) …I’d be just as pissed as she is! I don’t excuse what John did. And I don’t excuse myself either. But there’s a point where you have to live your life the way you want to. Little Susie just got all caught up in it with nowhere to turn. Like Chicken Little when the sky came down and it all went boom.